When No One Checks On You...

“How’s your mom doing?”

I must have heard that question a hundred times or more during those years.

At church.

At the grocery store.

From old friends and familiar faces.

Everywhere!!

By then, my mom rarely left the house except for doctor appointments and cancer treatments.

Every time someone asked, I felt two things at once — gratitude for their care, and a deep awareness of how loved she was.

But over time, I noticed something else:

No one asked how I was doing.

Maybe it’s because I’ve always been the steady one.

The even-keeled type.

The one who smiles and says…

“We’re doing alright” even when the truth is much heavier.

Inside, I was carrying fear, grief, and exhaustion…all emotions you’d expect while caring for your terminally ill parent.

But I carried it…

In Silence.

If you’ve been the “reliable one,” you know this:

• You’re the steady hand.

• The safe pair of shoulders.

• The one everyone trusts to hold it together.

And because you look like you’ve got it handled, people stop checking in.

They don’t mean to leave you out.

But the absence of “How are you doing?” can feel like a hollow kind of loneliness.

Why This Hurts More Than We Realize

• You become invisible — they see your role, not your humanity.

• Your grief goes underground — without space to express it, it stays tucked away.

• It reinforces the “strong one” cycle — the less you share, the more they assume you’re fine.

This cycle can make you believe you should handle it all.

And that needing care is weakness.

It’s not.

Once you give yourself permission to be cared for too, the weight starts to shift.

How to Keep From Disappearing in the Role

1. Name what you need. Pick one safe person and tell them you’d like someone to check in on you.

2. Give honest answers. Skip “I’m fine” or. “We’re doing alright” if you’re not.

3. Build a check-in circle. A small text thread, a weekly call, a couple of friends who truly understand.

4. Find spaces where you don’t have to be the strong one. Support groups, therapy, or a friend who lets you unravel without judgment.

You deserve the same care and concern you give so freely.

Needing it doesn’t make you weak — it makes you real.

Weekly Resources

You may be the reliable one.

But you were never meant to carry it all alone.

With you,

Bryce

💌 P.S. If this resonated, forward it to a friend who needs to hear they’re not alone — and come join me on Instagram and Facebook (@TheMetaCaregiver) for more real-talk support.